If you keep showing up, I'll keep showing up

I'm back on the wagon - so here goes nothing ~

I remember a yoga teacher once said in class (and I'm paraphrasing here) that sometimes not all truths need to be shared.  You should ask yourself, will my words hurt or help?  Are you speaking out of guilt, to make yourself feel better?  Are you prepared for how your words will be received - whether good or bad? 

This last month - I honestly just felt like whats been going on behind the scenes of the Wood + Honey world (and there's been a lot going on) was just not worthy to share.  I just kept thinking "why share this?  These are my issues?  You sound whinny Bethany" etc, etc....  It's been killing me though.  I promised a weekly to bi-weekly blog of the behind the scenes, with real talk and transparency that might resonate or allow someone else space to feel or ponder.  

I hold myself accountable in everything I do - so to not have put out a post in over a month just feels like a total let down.  But why?  It's MY deadline right?  - Why is it so hard to give myself a little grace?  I've been conditioned from a young age to be disciplined and accountability is huge.  It's been a crazy month since the holidays and so in a sense, I've been practicing what I preach the last few weeks - hibernating, laying low, moving slowly and enjoying loved ones without distraction.  I always say, balance is key.  But was I giving myself grace to be quiet and present in life OR was I nervous about being vulnerable and speaking truthfully about my lifes' challenges?  And, does it even matter?

Either way, I'm back on the wagon - so here goes nothing.

Self expression is knowing who you are ~

I came across this quote the other day by Ethan Hawke and I freaking loved it - he said

To thrive as human beings we must express ourselves, but before we can express ourselves we first need to know who we are.

I truly believe as humans, self expression to some capacity is essential to our well being.  By no means do we need to go to extremes, but we need an outlet, even if its just jotting down thoughts in a journal or working in a coloring book, or tending to a garden or knitting, dancing, etc.  Self expression, is allowing and holding space for the deep, inner you to be released and recognized, even if nobody is witness to it but you.  You express yourself because something within you says you need to...it's as necessary for the soul as drinking water is for the body.  It can be healing, cathartic, and simple and as mentioned, it's just for you and does not require being shared at all.

For those that choose to "publicize" their means of self expression, that can be a whole other ballgame.  There is without a doubt then, the undeniable element of vulnerability that comes with the willingness to put yourself "out there" and share elements of yourself with the world. 

To put yourself out there can be challenging.  We're human - we want approval and acceptance.  What if it falls on deaf ears, or isn't well received?  It's a piece of you, that's being shared and with that comes potential rejection.  That's an unnerving place to be for sure, nobody wants rejection.  Keep in mind though, the musician or song writer puts out a new album without knowing the response they'll receive right?  It may be cherished, it may be rejected, but more than likely, regardless of the feedback received, they'll eventually put out more music...they have to, it's what makes them tick.  Well received or not, their expression, allowed listeners the opportunity to understand the musician a bit more, because they got a glimpse of them at their core.  Self expression is the "window" to the soul of an individual.  I named this blog "The Window" for that very reason...regardless of the outcome, I'll share it.

I am that, that I am ~

Sat nam - is a mantra used often in yoga, particularly Kundalini yoga.  “Sat Nam” translates to “true name,” Sat: This means truth or honesty. It's about being genuine and sincere in everything you do and say. Nam: This means name or identity. It's about who you are at your core.  In essence it means "I am that" and when chanted or repeated becomes, "I am that, that I am"

We live in a world of labels...labels by gender, labels of job title, labels of socioeconomic status, labels and titles within our families - so much of our existence is defined by these labels and titles.  Take myself for example, I am a mom, a female, a sister, a daughter, former ballerina, yoga teacher, candle maker, ex-wife, girlfriend, administrative assistant, etc - but do these titles or labels give you any real information as to the depths of WHO I am?  Nope! They are merely clues...a glimpse really, but they do not define me.  From where I stand, as the individual who wears these "labels" - they are simply the things I do and roles I have acquired (by default and choice), because of and as a result of, WHO I am.

Off the top of my head, "my" I am that, that I am... I'm creative and a dreamer, I think outside the box, yet I'm organized.  I will not sell out in life or business to get ahead.  I stand up for what I believe, I am an advocate.  I'm caring and empathetic.  I love hard, I am loyal to a fault but won't put up with drama and bullshit either.  I am adventurous, courageous and take risks often when the reward seems worth it.  I'm not a afraid to rock the boat or piss people off.  I am a problem solver too and hold space for those when needed.  I will try like hell to make something work before I walk away.  I am compassionate and giving. I can be emotional and wear my heart on my sleeve and can be a down right bitch at times too.  I admit when I'm wrong.  I'm witty and sarcastic.  I have a mouth with words that can calm, soothe and heal, as well as a tongue that is sharp and can sting.   I'm an Aquarius and put my own needs last to make sure everyone else's cup is full before mine. 

These only scratch the surface... the list goes on and on as it would for anybody.  My point is, that none of the adjectives and descriptions of who I am at the core, would be known simply based on the titles and labels I wear.  It's like the age old saying, don't judge a book by its cover. 

Authenticity and Abundance ~

This year, 2025, Authenticity and Abundance have become the words I hold close to my heart.  They are my mantra, my prayers.  I'm seeking more authentic ways of existing while continuing to ask for abundance in all areas of life.  Particularly right now I need financial abundance, money is tight and you don't get what you don't ask for.  Energy flows where attention goes right?  So I make a point to not dwell on mistakes or what's gone wrong and is challenging (of course a good vent or crying session is warranted every now and then), but rather focus on what has gone right and where I've succeeded.  Sure as hell doesn't hurt to ask for a little help from the ethers now and again though too. 

Authenticity and Abundance go hand in hand in my opinion.   We have to feel good about our day to day.  Like I said earlier, I will not sell out or sacrifice my core beliefs or intentions to gain approval or make more sales.  We find the right people to surround ourselves with too when we live authentically and in alignment with who we are - we find our tribe(s).  My wish for everyone is that in some capacity we can go to bed at night knowing we showed up, tried like hell, did our best in alignment with WHO we truly are. 

"We Can Do Hard Things"

Amongst the crazy of the last few months I recently took a 4 day all inclusive trip to sunny warm Mexico with 2 of my best girlfriends to reboot the system, warm the bones and chill the hell out!  We went for a Brandi Carlisle festival called Girls Just Wanna Weekend.  It was eye-opening in more ways than one and in all the best ways at that.

I paid for the trip with money I finally received last year from my divorce settlement.  Justified by the mantra "life is short, buy the ticket" - A treat to myself and I don't regret it one bit.  Despite how tight money is on the regular for me, I fucking deserved this trip!  I will say, my girlfriends had to remind me of this often in the months prior though.  "Extra" money for trips is not something I have...like at all!  I struggled allowing myself to buy a $20 watch on Amazon last year, so it was hard to treat myself to this trip for sure.  But I needed it, in more ways than one, I definitely needed it.

While at this event, the lovey Glennon Doyle and her wife Abby Wambach recorded an episode of their absolutely AMAZING podcast "We Can Do Hard Things"  Admittedly, I was a complete stranger to this podcast and women.  But lawdy...where have they been my whole life!?  The couple interviewed the host of the weekend, Brandi Carlisle and her wife Catharine Shephard.  There was so much of the conversation that was simply mesmerizing while also thought provoking - honestly, so much of the podcast is a blur.  There was a lot to absorb along with an overwhelming sense of comfort with the "I could TOTALLY be friends with these gals" kinda vibe.

I related to Glennon in particular.  I saw myself in her in many ways.  Cute and corny in her mannerisms and words, but real and raw and just put it all out there.  She was chatty, talked in circles at times to make her point (sound familiar), but she was insightful, relatable and down to earth.  Plus "She identifies as 5'4" " a witty response to her wife calling her out on actually being only 5'2"!  I can TOTALLY relate - I identify at 5'4" too, which is complete bullshit!  Haha!  Adorable to say the least, and she was clearly living authentically - comfortable in her skin and world and wasn't afraid to be seen.  She was accessible to the listener, and I loved that.

"If you keep showing up, I'll keep showing up" ~

Two things were said by Glennon that have been on repeat in my head.  The context is irrelevant, as I honestly can't for the life of me remember what it was she was responding to, but Glennon said "If you keep showing up, I'll keep showing up" - THIS hit home for me and the timing was perfect.  I show up everyday to do what I need to do.  Whether it's as a mom, owner of Wood + Honey, as a girlfriend, as a friend, for my family and co-workers.  It is required of me to show up, to the best of my ability to do what I am expected to do in all the roles (labels & titles) I wear.  But it's not just about doing the "to-dos" and checking boxes.  It's not just accountability.  It's more about can we do these things in the most authentic way possible too?  Can we be WHO we are at our core, while showing up?  If not, if we can't, if we somehow limit the"expression" of ourselves for whatever reason, than are we truly showing up?  Are others really getting ALL of us?  Can we be accountable and authentic at the same time?  For me, there's no other way to exist...but that's me.  I will keep showing up, only as Bethany.  Food for thought I suppose.... 

"Not knowing, is sort of the point" ~

Glennon also said in what I believe and recall, was in response to an audience members concern about what's in store for her, her wife and their family due to the new administration coming into office, Glennon response was simple and poignant, she said "not knowing, is sort of the point".   She encouraged folks (and again, I'm paraphrasing here) of the importance to find your tribe and love them hard and to seek comfort with those that love, support and have your best interests at heart.  She continued to say that worrying about what will happen and being unsure of the future is totally valid, but essentially not a good use of energy either.  Nobody has a crystal ball and "not knowing, is sort of the point". 

Forget the labels and titles, live authentically as only you know how, your people will find and love you and you must simply trust.  It's OK if we don't know - because "every little thing, is gonna be alright."

I needed these reminders. I needed to see this podcast.  So much of my life, but especially after divorce was scary because I didn't know what to do or how to survive.  But, I undoubtedly have moved through this life with the mindset of I'll make it work, with no fucking clue how and with blind faith that it will.  We don't know what God or the Universe has planned for us and that's the beauty of life.  If we knew the plan and had a window into "how", than what's the point of getting up and doing the real work?  I truly believe there is a reason and timing for everything in our lives and we experience good and bad ALL because we are being led to something greater, we just can't always see it when were in the thick of it.  I live paycheck to paycheck and sale to sale, I struggle to make ends meet every month but it is what it is, and I'll make it work - may not be ideal, but I will see a way through and it WILL align with my core beliefs and authentic self in order to do so.  Just gotta keep on keepin' on AND trust that "not knowing, is sort of the point."

I see you ~

No doubt life is hard and challenging at times.  The struggle is real for many, myself included.  Among the blessings are challenges - life is a balance.  The challenges I face keep me humble and appreciative of all I do have and keep me working hard to support how far I've come.  We're are all going through something - so be kind to one another. 

If you keep showing up, I'll keep showing up.  Have confidence in who you are, and yes, I know that can be so damn hard at times - especially in this day and age - but the world needs YOU, your gifts, your light.  I'm here always as a listening ear and I see you.

xo,

B

A side-note ~ It's been amazing and humbling to hear from so many of you in response to this blog.  To hear that you can relate or understand or you learned something...warms my heart.  THANK YOU for letting me, be me, and for holding space for the rambling words of this mom of 3, whisky drinking yoga teacher that slings beeswax to make her soul work of candles and natural products.  Thank you for letting me express further, what is beneath my labels.